Extispex: Tarot and Tarot Readings

I remember I was once on a road trip with an old boyfriend, a Capricorn named Scott, and his friend Jason, who was a Gemini like me. We stopped to eat in a fast food place, ordered our meals, and sat down. After a while, Jason and I noticed Scott was staring at us.

“Whats wrong?”, Jason asked.

“You both eat the same”, Scott sounded horrified, “You pick at your food and.. and you stare at every bite before you put it in your mouths. Thats just weird! Why do you do that?”

“Because we’re both Geminis”, I answered, and went back to examining my food.

Geminis have the distinct honor of being the only sign in the zodiac that is both an adventurous eater, and a picky eater, all at once. We love to try new things, but we damn sure want to know whats in it. If given a choice, we’d eat with our fingers all the time. We’re very dextrous with our hands and can pick apart our food more easily with our fingers than with clumsy utensils. And we like licking our fingertips.

However, Geminis are not particularly rude, despite our bad reputations, and we like learning and following the customs of wherever we are, so we’re capable of eating politely in company. In any company, really. But when we’re alone, most of us will pick apart whatever is in front of us with our fingers before eating it.

But Geminis aren’t the weirdest eaters of the zodiac. That would have to be Virgo. Virgos are likely to adopt a strict diet for the sake of their health, but they’re just as likely to go the opposite way and develop obsessions with a single food or food group. I have one Virgo friend who eats nothing but cakes, doughnuts and candy, and who drinks only soda. And a Virgo former roommate of mine used to eat only meat and dairy and nothing else. Ever.

Cancerians eat for comfort, and often plump up when they’re depressed. They prefer home cooking.

Taurus people are sensual eaters who love their food rich, good and big. More is better to the Taurus.

Scorpios are prone to cravings. They’re the ones who’ll wake up in the middle of the night with an irresistable urge for something nigh on unattainable, and will go to great lengths to get it. They’re the ones who will say “I really have a taste for (fill in the blank)”, and woe to he who gets between the Scorpio and his desire.

Libras, like Taurus, enjoy good food, but what the Libran considers good food can be pretty idiosyncratic. Libras like to consider themselves to be quite the gourmet, even when they’re shovelling the most offensive crap down their throats. Most Librans can cook, and those who can’t, believe they can.

Who’s fat and why?

Earth signs are sensual eaters. The Taurus can get fat because of too much rich food, and portions that are larger than he needs. He wants more than everyone else in the room has, making social eating for the Taurus an exercise in over-indulgence. As much as Taurus loves to eat out, eating at home where he would be less likely to overeat would be healthier.

Virgos can be the healthiest sign in the zodiac, or the unhealthiest, according to whether their eating habits are dictated by a conscious effort, or by obsession and/or compulsion. Virgos often have good metabolism though, and many needn’t worry about weight gain.

Air signs tend to be impulse eaters, the Gemini more so, and the Libra least so. (The Libra likes to take the time to make eating a pleasant experience, rather than just grab the first thing they see). Aquarians eat socially, and will often eat anything offered to them by another person.

Gemini (and to a lesser extent, Aquarius) will often eat out of boredom. The Gemini needs plenty of mental, verbal and tactile stimulus, all at the same time. They can do lots of things at once and often combine mental activities with eating because eating provides tactile stimulus. Instead of providing physical stimulation with food, find other ways.

Libras are prone to developing a sweet-tooth, and enjoy cakes, cookies, candies and pastries.

Fire signs are most likely to eat because they are truly hungry, especially Leos. Diets do not work on the Leo so forget dieting, you’ll make yourself miserable if you try to starve yourself. The key to slimming the Leo is to eat better quality food (cut down on the junk), and get a good amount of exercise.

Where Leo has the most voracious appetite of the fire-signs, Aries has the most immediate. An Aries will get get hungry very quickly, and when an Aries gets hungry - watch out. He’ll need food now. Fortunately Aries is normally fairly active and has good metabolism so he’s less likely to gain weight than other fire-signs.

The three water signs, Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces, are all prone to water-weight gain. This will also apply to those with one of these signs on the ascendant. Cancerian water-weight gain is often in response to toxins in the environment. Cancer is a protective sign, and will build up water as a ‘shell’ or cushion to protect the body from toxins. So Cancers - detox!. Using tonic herbs, detoxifying baths and other detox methods can really help the Cancerian maintain a healthy weight.

Water-signs also are more likely to eat for emotional reasons, though Scorpios may actually lose their appetites when emotionally distressed (or when trying to upset others by not eating - manipulative bastards that they are.)

Scorpios also need to learn to curb their cravings, and may need to do some soul-searching to discover what triggers a craving.

Now before you go jumping into a weight-loss regimine thinking “Hey, I’m a Cancer, time to detox”, know that there are many aspects and configurations in your horoscope that can effect your relationship to food. For instance, I may be a Gemini, a picky but adventurous eater, prone to impulse eating and eating out of boredom, but I also have the moon in Cancer and Scorpio rising. So yes, I get those Scorpio cravings (mine are usually for Chinese food), and I’ve been known to do some comfort-eating.

If you really want to better understand your eating habits, emotional responses to food, and your metabolism, its best to have a detailed birth-chart drawn. And no matter what sign you are, its usually pretty sound advice to eat healthy and get plenty of activity.

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